Trusting

I realize that in the grand scheme of things I have NOTHING to complain about. Many, many parents have it so much worse. Many children are sick and will lose their lives to their nasty illness. BUT, that does NOT mean that I have no right. Or that Nate who is the one who has these things going on in his body doesn't get to hate it.


He is a trooper. He NEVER complains. He was born with XLI and has horrible skin. In the summer it looks great and feels pretty good but the rest of the year it hurts. It pulls and stretches and hurts him. He doesn't sweat well and overheats very easily. He itches most of the time. Yet, he doesn't complain. If only I could learn a lesson from him. My sweet, sweet boy.


Tuesday night he had an "episode". I assume it was a seizure but I guess Im not 100% sure. I had just pulled his first tooth. He was SO excited. He got a funny look on his face and I asked what was wrong. He was kinda out of it. He said "I have a headache" and layed down on the bed and that is when his eyes rolled back and he made floppy type movements with his arms and legs. To be honest, I was SO freaked out when I saw his eyes roll back and his face that I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the rest of his body. I immediately thought he was going to be gone. I know I shouldn't think that but I did. 911 was called and we went to the ER where they did a CT and blood work and everything looked fine. His pupils were dilated but his vitals were good and he could answer questions even while in a very strange state.


You see. Every time something like this happens to my sweet Nate I flip out.  I feel like we are living on borrowed time and each time something happens I think "this is it, I'm going to lose him".


The truth is that we are ALL living on borrowed time. He isn't "mine". He is Gods. I am being allowed to raise him up and love him but he isn't mine. Letting go and trusting with my children is the hardest thing I have to do. I fail miserably at it. But HE is trustWORTHY.